Hating on CGI has become a national pastime for the cartoon-watching world, and we’re certainly no strangers. But is a good concept enough to rescue some fairly uncanny animation and flat characters? This episode features superfan Alex as he walks us through a oft-forgotten movie of the aughts. Remember to bring your walkie-talkies and bikes - you don’t want to be a dead person, do you?
Ben and Zane were reading their Bibles like they totally all the time do, when they read an odd story they weren’t familiar with. It spoke of “fruits of the ground” which “rose up to overthrow mankind” and “sing silly songs all day.” The Cartoncasters asked Ali for help. She used her expertise with vegetables to throw salt over the books and perform an exorcism. They weren’t sure that it was the holiest thing they could have done, but at least is wasn’t boring!
Ben and Zane were on the hunt for the cryptid provided in their handy dandy cryptid-a-day calendar. This one would be tricky - an astronaut-scientist-olympian-archeologist-professor moose. They called in Phil for his unmistakable expertise in all things hokey and contrived. Turns out the cryptid was more of a metaphor for the cold war than an actual moose. Didn’t work for ya? Well here’s something we think you’ll really like!
What do you get when you take an Empowered guest, an Australian Cattle Dog, an S-tier dad, and a willingness to get a bit sappy? The Cartoncasters intended to find out. They hustled around the house, putting these elements into their magic blend-o-matic until it spat out the cutest little dog show in the world. Ben and Zane had a great time, but sometimes you just need to rest after playing, you know? Time for a nap!
YouTube wasn’t always like this. Before the algorithm took hold, word of mouth and reputation were king. But unlike Flash player, not only the most internally motivated creators could make content. Enjoy our retrospective on some of the early hits in YouTube.
Ben and Zane were rolling full steam ahead when something on the tracks caught their eyes. It was Andrew, funny little fellow he was, blocking the path of the Cartoncasters. They asked him to move but he would not. He asked them to move but they would not. So they carried him off to the smelter for reprocessing. Also they were all trains.
Ben and Zane were (once again) musing on what it must be like to be a tween girl. What were the social pressures like? How does one make friends? What sort of wish is worth it to damn the world, and is the world even worth saving? The Cartoncasters only knew one thing for sure: that weird cat thing was due for a beating.
There’s only so much Ben and Zane could take. In the current political climate, they were filled to burst with political satire of every kind: known knowns, known unknowns, and the reclusive unknown unknowns. They needed an expert to help them sort through the harrowing fields of political comedy, and it turns out that Dan Caves was just the man for the job. Sure, he might have prefaced every proper noun with the word lil’, but even so, they were able to say mission accomplished. Heh heh.
Ben and Zane needed an expert to explain the changes they were noticing in their bodies. Zane was able to turn his bones into cheese, and Ben had rat sneezes. They called in Josh to explain some lore about mutations, and the X-gene, and Legends of the Hidden Temple for some reason. When we asked how genetic mutations could let someone create full rats from their nose, Josh just directed them toward 70 years worth of comic books. Could be worse, though. Could be Wolverine Origins.
In some ways, Studio trigger provides a countermelody to the anime of the 90’s. Instead of saying a lot using fairly basic animation, Promare says very little - but it says it really, really loudly. The plot construction is shallow, the characters poorly motivated, and the sense of space is almost nonexistent - and yet, this is an anime powerhouse at the very top of their game, and we found it enjoyable as hell. Let your mind wander as the regular geometries wash over you, and you’ll have a real good time too.
Welcome back to the Cartony Awards! This year featured some heavy hitters and surprising dark horses (but not a real dark horse that’s cruel). And as we round the corner toward our final year, we’re left to ponder the big questions. When are they going to fire Great Teacher Onizuka for sexual harassment? How many Sheldons are there? And just what is it about Flo from Progressive? It’s a jam-packed year of equally stupid conversations from the Cartoncast, and we humbly invite you to listen in.
Our categories this year:
Best Intro
Show That we Like the Best Despite Hating a Good Half of it
Best Callback
Best Example of Random Humor
Worst Teen
Best Conspiracy Theory
Best Voice Actor Spotlight
Character Most Immune from Consequences
'“We’ve Been Meaning to Get to That” Award
Best Hot Take
Best Show
Ben and Zane were excited to take on the role of substitute teachers at the local Podcasting high school. On the day of, they realized that they didn’t know any facts! The Cartoncasters bravely wheeled in that old tube TV on the rickety wheeled platform and set up a marathon of Schoolhouse Rock! Did it meet the curriculum? Hell no. Did it still hold up? Yes… AND.
The Cartoncast has an image to uphold, you know. We can’t just have any old podcaster on staff, coming in half-cocked off of a bender, ranting about upskirt shots in video games and confessing actual, literal crimes on camera. But every so often you run into a true problem in the podcast world that can’t be solved with a meeting or a suspension. No, sometimes you need a man like Onizuka, who finds the people responsible for trolls hacking into our website, and reminds them about proper netiquette via German suplex. Just, uh… don’t talk to him on bring your daughter to work day.
Things were rough for the Podcaster Cops down at the station. The legendary Axe Cop - yes, that Axe Cop - was making them look bad! It was up to Law Cop to give them a leg up and show them the beat. Despite learning several hundred secret kicks and foiling the impending Shark/Tiger war, they still couldn’t keep up with Axe Cop, and were forced into early retirement. It’s just as well, though. Rumor has it that the missions were being given out by a five year old.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie, and Nintendo in general, does not need defenders or simps. You are allowed to like or dislike this movie on its own merits, no more and no less than The Godfather. But in the context of the previous Mario Bros film, other video game adaptations in general, and Illumination Studio’s works, this movie is a miracle. The Mario pillars of simplicity, spectacle, and polish are all on display here, so sit back and listen as the Cartoncast takes in a movie that is at once exactly what you’d expect, but also makes most of the shots it takes. Let’s a go.
Ben and Zane were having a hard time coming up with proper retribution against their old foe, the Moon (long story), and asked Josh for help. After an extensive summary of recent Japanese Game Show events, he quoted from the Book of Dan: “You don’t need to have a reason to hate, nor a plan, nor a goal. Just let it out into the world, and justice will provide.” So they gathered up some rocks and took turns throwing them off the roof of the building, hoping some would make it to the moon. They did end up taking down Sasquatch, but that’s a fascinating story for another time.
In the fallout of One Punch Man’s miraculous rise and then slow fall, Mob Psycho was somewhat overlooked by the anime community for a time. Which is a shame, because by all accounts it surpasses One’s more famous work. Ben and James gush unceasingly about this bowl-cut havin’ miracle child and his master, the greatest psychic of the modern era.
